What is resillence
The ability not fold under pressure and bounce back.
The quality of Positive Outlook, Empathy, Emotional Regulation and Self-efficacy.
How to build resillence
Assess your situation
By analyzing your Stress x Coping Skills
Ask and Face Rejection
Practice ask to get used to hearing no, and never apologize for asking, but praise yourself for stretching your asking muscles and look for next chance to ask.
Ask for different things
- Not sure you’ll receive
- Less likely to receive
- More challenging but realistic
watch your internal language
- keep your internal dialogue positive
- manage/hone in on your verbalized response: I thought I’d ask anyway./Thanks for letting me know. It doesn’t hurt to ask.
Learning
Help you
- Stretches our comfort zone
- Creates new brain paths
- Creates opportunities to fail
- Builds resilience
Facing uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations
Help you
- Ask for a stretch assignment
- Get on a committee
- Explore a new field
Know your energy ^6a0718
reference: How I Can Study 10h a Day: The Perfect Schedule for Chaotic People
Be aware of your daily energy flow:
- When are you at your best? Morning, midday or late afternoon.
- When do you prefer to tackle projects?
- When are you most productive?
- Does it take you a while to get in the groove at work?
Stay energized and restore appropriately to face surprising difficulties
How to face rejections and difficulties
Positive Thinking
think short term
Acknowledge the negative events are temporary, changeable and associated only with the situation
Keep the perspective tight and focus on here and now
think local
Focus only on yourself and what you can do to change the situation
Don’t compare to others and their circumstances as their situations may not be as tough as yours
Keep things in perspective
What the worst-case of this setback could be
Find the silver lining
Talk positively
| negative word | positive word |
|---|---|
| Failure | Obstacle |
| Downfall | Setback |
| Horrible | Challenging |
Evaluate your action
- Reflect on what could have done differently.
- Reflect on how did I handled this situation.
- Reflect on your attitude: Did I stay positive?
Choose to be positive
3:1 = positive : negative is good for health mentally and physically.
| Attitude | React to bad review |
|---|---|
| 很多人骂我，我很烂，我不适合这个工作 | negative |
| 很多人骂我，他们是一群嫉妒心强的王八蛋, 我要证明他们是错的 | positive but unrealistic |
| 我得到了很多能够让我提高的建议，我发现了能进步的方向。事情有点棘手，但长远看我会成长很多，比之前好。 | positive and constructive |
Recruit and Connect with your advisor board
Action oriented unemotionally and don’t judge: Discuss —— Plan —— Action
- What aspects of the situation can you improve in the future?
- What can you do to be sure this doesn’t happen again?
- Is there anything positive that came out of the situation?
- Can you have any positive influence on what happens next?
Recovery Steps
Take a break: think about something else
Redirect
Reconnect with a fresher perspective, review and prioritize
Taking cathartic action: Let it go
- When you have no attachment to the situation, like it’s not your job
- When it will not negatively affect you
- When you have done everything possible and the situation is not improving, like disconnect with a relationship that costs too much energy
- When the stress is too high and extra work on it is unworthy
Summary
在可控的范围内创造挑战性的场景
可控的范围：not miserable, not influence your credibility
目的：来锻炼 internal language, every thing is about how you weave your story
如何创造安全且有挑战性的场景：Ask for less likely things
- learning new things
- involve in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situation
- Internal Language
- think and talk positively and constructively: limit the bad things, make it short term, local
- think in perspective: 即使最坏的情况发生也没什么；塞翁失马，焉知非福(find the silver lining)
- Can I have any positive influence on what happens next?
- What aspects can be ==improves in the future and make things different next time==?
- Is there anything positive that came out of the situation?
Know your energy and restore it for surprising difficulties
How to deal with the bad things
- Evaluate the action
- choose to be positive
- consult with the advisor board
- recovery and then let it go
In conclusion
从小事练起，例如：ask: Not sure —— Less Likely —— More challenging but realistic
- know the energy flow and arrange the assignment
- internal language and positive thinking: think short term, think local, keep things in perspective and talk positively
- When face a obstacle: evaluate your action, choose to be positive, get review, recovery and let it go